Why we're too busy being busy
...and why we need to relax more
This week alongside my paid job, I’ve sent dozens of messages to organise playdates, I’ve bought travel insurance, made strawberry smoothies, I’ve picked up kids from camp, I’ve written social media posts, filmed a few reels and have done the usual household tasks of cooking, grocery shopping and childcare. I even cycled (for 10 mins) for the first time since surgery number two. Pleased to say it felt fine.
Even writing this down makes me feel exhausted - my mind feels a bit like the image above - but this is just a standard week - and some of these are choices I take on. That said, it's important to recognise how easy it is to get overwhelmed. We are so busy being busy, that when you step back from the outside, the daily to-do task is rather ridiculous. When my brother and sister-in-law (who don’t have children) once came to visit, they remarked that they were in awe at how ‘productive’ we were in getting ready. It was 8am and we had already dressed the kids, packed up the dishwasher, made a packed lunch, tidied the kitchen, tidied the toys away. I rarely sit down and eat a relaxing breakfast, I know if I don’t tidy up right then and there, it will eat into my working time or evening – so we try fit it in at the start of the day.
We are so used to this rushed approach that I hadn’t considered how it looks to those who don’t have caregiving responsibilities. It often feels as though there simply are not enough hours in the day to maintain a household, be a present parent and maintain a full-time job, which is why so many of us feel rushed and overwhelmed.
When we become parents, we lose many aspects of control over our lives because naturally, raising a helpless human means their needs have to come first much of the time. A lack of control is one of the biggest drivers for stress. This is so well known even the ancient philosophers pointed this out. Epictetus, one of the stoics wistfully laid out that it isn’t a specific event itself that causes us inner unrest, it’s how that event plays out in our mind, particularly, how in control of a given situation we think we are. We hope to know the outcome of our day-to-day lives but many of us lose that control quickly.
There are numerous unpredictable disruptions parents must juggle, often alongside paid work. And it is mothers who tend do more of it, especially the mental load. It’s no wonder that mothers are often reported to be more stressed than non-mothers, and mothers are more stressed than fathers, negatively impacting mental health. Stress at work is also why many of us are secret parenting to hide the reality of our caregiving responsibilities.
It’s a reminder of why we all need self care more than ever. I’m super excited that at work I’ve launched a health and wellbeing video series - and launching a health newsletter. I’ll start to post a few of these tips here too as part of the challenge has been trying out some of the ‘interventions’ myself. Though I must admit I often find it difficult to put them into practice.
For now, I’m logging off for two weeks of much needed time off.
The Motherhood Complex is available from most book stores. Breadwinners is out in summer 2025
Read it? I would love to know what you think, or even better, leave me an Amazon review (you can do this regardless of where it was bought) - this really helps first time authors like me.
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