Who do you think of as successful?
And do you try to copy them?
Who do you look up to, and have you considered their path to success?
I ask this because when we look to what we want to achieve, we might take a look at the lives of the rich and famous for inspiration, rather than look to those who have more attainable lifestyle goals. We might try to copy their routine, hoping we can follow a similar path.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, yoga at 5am, followed by writing 1,000 words and a networking breakfast all before a typical work day begins, is not going to do you any harm, but it also won’t necessarily ensure you will become a best-selling author (though of course, showing up every day is the first step…). I’m not saying this to demotivate you because everyone has to start somewhere if they are set on pursuing a certain goal, what I’m saying is we shouldn’t copy successful people too closely, because doing so gives us the illusion that their lifestyle caused their success - when likely there were many other, more hidden factors involved.
If we do so, we can feel disappointed if we believe we followed a similar path and yet didn’t ‘make it’. We don’t see who got a leg up, which connection gave someone their first role, or consider the financial status of their parents that could have led them to take greater risks than someone with less means (research has shown that those who come from more privileged backgrounds, are more likely to take risks). In other words, we don’t see people’s failures along the way - and often there are many. For every successful start up, many dozens more won’t make it. I’m talking about the phenomenon of survivorship bias.
I first came across the topic when commissioning a film about it during the first covid lockdown. In it, filmmaker Brendan Miller talks about how many highlight the fact that Bill Gates was a college drop out, which might lead others to think they might not need to go to university to do well. That may be the case for a few outliers, but 99% of college drop outs won’t become tech entrepreneurs, and university graduates often have higher salaries than those who don’t have a degree.
I don’t want to depress anyone, but this cognitive bias is important to understand, because when we look at unattainable role models, it can cause us to blame ourselves if things don’t pan out the way we anticipated. For instance, Margaret Thatcher became prime minister, meaning if she could do it, any female politician with enough drive, grit and determination might think they should be able to reach a similar goal, but did her rise to power pave the way for other female politicians to follow suit? The statistics suggest not.
She had to change key aspects of herself to fit in to a male dominated sphere. She took elocution lessons to lower her voice lest she sound too feminine. And despite being a woman, she made no progress to help elevate issues around gender inequality. She was a woman in a male dominated space and had to act manly to stay there. The writer Natasha Walter stated that ‘she was a towering rebuke to those who believe women are unsuited to the pursuit and enjoyment of power.’ Unfortunately, she only perpetuated certain power structures. This is how power dynamics often play out at work. Some leaders look to enhance their own power rather than thinking of those beneath them. And even when we are aware of survivorship bias, those in power have an alluring effect on us. Comparing ourselves to those in power might be motivating for some, but for many it can lead to feelings of inferiority and failure.
That’s why it’s important to understand, because to avoid being overpowered, we need to understand the power dynamics at play to have more equal working lives. And if we want to follow a successful business leader, perhaps first try to model what the person in the next position above you is doing, rather than trying to copy a CEO’s lifestyle habits - their position of power means they play the game of life by different rules.
For more on this - I cover this topic in my upcoming book, linking it to power structures and how to get ahead in the workplace.
Breadwinners is out in August 2025 - The pre order link is NOW LIVE, if you are interested in the topic, please consider a pre-order, it makes such a difference to authors.
The Motherhood Complex is available from most book stores. Read it? I would love to know what you think, or even better, leave me an Amazon review (you can do this regardless of where it was bought) - this really helps first time authors like me.
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